Lindsey Stirling - Crystallize

This work of pencil and paper holds a great personal meaning to me.

Allow me to tell you it's story; how it came to be and how it shattered the glass bubble I've been trapped in for far too long:

I've always wanted to draw: To bring the pictures in my head out onto paper, to share with those who appreciate such a thing as imagination.
Yet, throughout my life I recieved neither support, nor encouragement for this yearning of mine - not from friends, not from peers and certainly not from my family.
The general attitue of everybody I've met so far in my life is that all art - especially visual arts - is a "pointless waste of time better spent doing something useful."
Lines like this have been delivered to me dismissive at best and outright hostile at worst.
Proper discussion wasn't welcome and generally ended in people scolding and/or insulting me for my "unrealistic" and "daydreaming" attitude.
I've been told to "finally grow up" about a million times, the first time when I was about 12 or so. Nobody was willing to listen to my opinions and nobody cared about them, either - I was expected to work properly.

I did try to compensate with photography, partially because I was convinced that I could handle the medium since I "have no talent and cannot draw anyway."
It worked, yes - but I felt like I was merely taking what was already there, not creating anything in the process.
Dissatisfied with the medium and myself, I dropped photography as well.

But the yearning was something that wouldn't be silenced - on the contrary, it grew more intense with each artwork I saw and with each new artbook I bought.
I remember my attempts to rationalize, to convince myself that this was a realm not meant for me. I remember arguing with myself for not shutting up about this.
The more I argued, the worse it became - it felt to me like I could only watch the playground through the fence, but would never be able to go there myself.
It hurt. It really hurt and kept me awake at night. I felt like there existed two worlds; the bleak one I was stuck in and the bright, colourful one where people could accomplish beautiful things.

And then came Lindsey.

I cannot express properly what this girl stirred up in me, but when I watched her videos and heard the music for the first time, somthing broke deep inside of me.
It felt like being told that something doesn't exist for a lifetime and then bumping right into it.
All the excuses I made up, all the statements I've been told and all the malice I've experienced about art being for a selected few - it all shattered in an instant and gave way to the voice of a violin.

It was incredibly beautiful and so utterly terrifying.
And it made me do something that I've both dread and yearned for a very long time:  Against a torrent of self-doubt and ingrained anxieties, I took a pencil and put it to the paper.

That day, I made a vow to myself:

If those feelings were real, if this tiny spark that had refused to go out for so many years was real, then I would go and create proof of it.
A real thing, which couldn't be argued away or dismissed on a whim.
An undeniable statement that the playground is real and the fence is a lie.
I would prove that I wasn't all talk and no deed about this.
And that I would validate all of it with the approval of the one who broke the illusion for me.

That was two years ago.

On the evening of October, the 21st of 2014 I took this statement to the Meet & Greet of Lindsey's performance in Vienna and gave it as a gift to her.

It is my tribute to her as an artist and everything she stands for: That art and creative strive is a real thing. That the playground is open to everybody.
That each one of us has beautiful dreams and the power to make them come true. That what you feel stirring deep inside isn't an illusion.
That the notions of talent, exclusiveness and the hundreds of other terms society has made up to disprove you in your strive are wrong.
The fence is a line in the sand - it can only confine you if you don't dare to step over it.

This is what I've come to believe for myself.
And this was the deed that proved to me it's true.
Whatever may come afterwards - I won't allow it to take the sky from me ever again.



Thank you for the music !

www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUy…


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PAPER:             Folia 120g/m²

MATERIALS :     Pencils 8B, 6B, 3B, 2B, 2H; Black Smooth, graphite dust, paper stumps, tissue, kneaded ereaser

TOTAL TIME:     13,5 hrs

REFERENCE:     Still frame from "Crystallize" music video: www.youtube.com/watch?list=UUy…

MAKING OF:      fav.me/d844u25

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EDIT: Uploaded the final version with my signature on it.